Less than a week ago I decided to publicly share my blog. Little did I know within a few days time, Lorin Ashton (Bassnectar) would be retweeting the link and I would have literally thousands of people reading about some of the most raw emotions I’ve ever felt. Sharing my blog was so extremely hard to do, but the response I got was overwhelming (in a good way). Complete strangers were writing to me to say thank you and share their stories as well. The positive feedback means so much to me, more than I can ever verbalize. Even though it’s one hell of a shitty situation it’s nice to know people can read my blog and still find solace, hope or know they’re not alone.
It’s therapeutic for me as well. I’ve never been an openly emotional person, but clearly these aren’t feelings I should keep bottled up. My blog is the place I go to vent and ramble when I’m down because I don’t do it often with actual people. Thanks for creating a socially awkward generation Internet. When I decided to share it, I thought maybe a few people would be reading. I was not prepared for what happened, but it’s shown me it’s okay to have emotions and it’s okay to talk about them. And it’s shown me that people really will fill your heart if it’s open.
I swear things are getting more and more ironic. It’s like my boyfriend is letting me know he’s still here. Everywhere I go, everything I do, something weird or ironic or downright creepy happens. My friends have been thinking about him more as well, too. Weird things have been happening to all of us.
Last night I went to see E.T. at Hollywood Forever. Talk about an emotional wreck. I was never a huge fan of E.T. because it made me sad, but after last night I look at it in a whole new way. My boyfriend was a huge Star Wars fan, especially Boba Fett. He even had the Mandalorian symbol tattooed on his arm. Well last night as we’re waiting for the movie to start, Cut Chemist spins his version of the Star Wars Cantina song. Then in the movie, Elliot shows E.T. his Boba Fett action figure. I know these aren’t far-fetched or that significant, but things like that happen literally every day.
Maybe it was the beer, or maybe the homemade brownies, but I got super emotional towards the end of the movie. As Elliot is lying next to E.T. while he slowly dies, I lost it. All the emotions I felt that morning I found my boyfriend came rushing back to me. The look on Elliot’s face just broke my heart. When E.T. came back to life and they took him to the ship, I just saw my boyfriend. He always said he was from outer space and that he lived amongst the stars. I hope he found his home.