Thank god for Beans
It’s been quite some time since I’ve written. I’ve been almost stoic lately, but now I need to have my escape.
Sometimes when I look into my dog’s eyes, I can read a certain sadness in them. She is hands down one of the most spoiled dogs I’ve ever met, but I still feel so bad for her. She’s been through so much during her short little life. My heart aches just thinking about it.
On days like today when I’ve been slightly down, I find myself in bed with her and we just look at each other. It always ends in me crying and
her snuggling closer. Sadness is written all over her face, and I wonder if she can read it on mine, too.
I stare at her and pet her head and cry. It reminds me of the times my boyfriend would get jealous because she wanted to sleep in my room and not his. It reminds me of driving back to Michigan after a late night show in Chicago just so we could cuddle with her (that happened more than twice). It reminds me of a crazy night after eating a bad (good?) Triscuit and not being able to sleep till she got into bed with us.
Her big almond eyes look so deep into me that most of all it reminds me of the way my boyfriend looked at me. I never got sick of waking up, rolling over to face him and seeing his big blue eyes and crinkled forehead. He had that same sadness on his face sometimes that my dog has, and that I now have.
My dog and I share a connection that runs so deep. I promise I’m not one of those crazy old ladies, but my dog really is my rock.
As I write this, my boyfriend’s lamp is flickering off and on on my desk. The bulb is brand new and I’m at least a couple feet away. My phone jumps from full strength reception to zero reception. My internet connection goes from strong to non-existent. The universe is a crazy place.