Today he would have been 27. I found myself imagining what he would be like if he were still here. Where would he work? Would he still be making music? Where would life have gone? I’ve made up a million scenarios in my head today. When I tried to put myself into those stories though, I couldn’t do it, and I couldn’t be more relieved. I’m no longer harping on the past, on the “what if’s?” It feels like a million pounds have been lifted off my shoulders.
Instead of today being spent nostalgically and longingly, it was spent grieving a life lost and celebrating what I’ve made of my life since then. When I think about losing him, I’m still sad, but not the hopeless kind of sad. I’m sad he had to go, but there’s a light shining at the end of my proverbial tunnel, and it’s shining so brightly.
I couldn’t be happier with where I am in life – I’ve found love of an innumerable quantity, I bought a house, I see my family often and I’ve never been healthier. I wake up (most) mornings thanking the cosmos that I’m here and doing the things that make me happy with people who make me happy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, but after the darkest storm even the bleakest of lights seem bright.
I’d like to think being happy is the best birthday gift i could give him. Happy birthday, wherever you may be.